"I don't know how you do it."
If I had a dime for every time someone mentioned that in passing to me about our lifestyle, I would own a private island in the Caribbean. Or a nicer minivan. But probably a nicer minivan, because I'm practical like that.
People often tell us how wonderful it is that we get to raise our children overseas and wish they could do the same. Others tell us that they admire the lifestyle, but they themselves could not, or have no desire, to do it themselves. I get it. So what is it like for us to raise our family overseas?
It's a gift. It's hard. It's a lesson in so many things.
Logan, Kate, Ivy, and Quinn on our recent trip to Lviv, Ukraine
The Constant Pivot
You know when life throws you a curve ball and you have to pivot? Raising your family overseas and moving to a new place every one to three years is a constant pivot. Everything pivots almost all the time. Pivot to a new school. Pivot to a new language. Pivot to a new neighborhood. Pivot to a new home. Pivot to new friends. Pivot to new customs. Pivot to new cuisine. Pivot, pivot, pivot.
We began traveling nearly a decade before our kids were born, and have been moving ever since. Our oldest is now ten, our middle two, ages eight and six, and our youngest, two. We moved from the U.S. to Thailand when my oldest was four months old, then back to the U.S. when he was four (with two more kiddos in tow). After a year in the U.S., we moved to Poland for three years, then back to the U.S. for a year (Rhode Island), where a fourth kiddo was born, then to Washington, D.C. for one year, and eight months ago to Ukraine. And in less than a year and a half from now, we'll move again. To where? Who knows?
During these crazy times of transition, my kids have sustained huge changes in their personal and social lives. They have gone from small, private international schools to large American public schools. They've gone from living a life of flip flops and tank tops in the humidity of Southeast Asia to frigid negative temperatures, in which you can't feel your face, in eastern Europe. Delicious pad thai turns to borsch (kind of an unfortunate change, if you ask me, but one that we're currently living). Life in a small apartment in the city center to a large home in the 'burbs. Swimming pools turn into sledding hills. Sky trains turn into trams, buses, or your own private car. Jungles into thousand-year old castles. Did you get used to playing baseball in the States? Well guess what? There is no baseball anymore. Pivot to soccer. Ever tried to set up a lemonade stand overseas? Good luck with that. Learn. Deal. Adapt. Repeat.
Visiting the jungles of the Golden Triangle during our four-year stay in Thailand
What We're Grateful for and What We Miss
On the whole, we feel incredibly lucky to be living life the way we are living it. Walter has a job that he loves, I get to stay home with the kids and spend precious time with them, we've always made good friends regardless of where we are in the world, we've been extremely lucky that the kids have always been able to attend good schools, and our homes have always been comfortable and safe. Our kids are learning and growing so much from our different experiences. Their world is so much bigger than mine ever was at the same age. They see poverty. They see wealth. They see all different nationalities, hear different languages, learn different languages, learn about and begin to understand different traditions and religions. We've had the most amazing travel adventures.
So what do we miss?
We miss home. Real home. Our grandparents. Our cousins. A forever house that is our home. Forever friends that will go through grade school, middle school, and maybe even high school with us. We miss American food (Cue: a good steak, Chik-Fil-A and a good American cheeseburger). We miss the ease of doing things in our native language all the time. We miss the familiarity of what's normal and expected. We miss knowing when we go into a bathroom that we: a) don't have to pay for it, or b) it's going to be an actual toilet and not a hole in the ground. Sometimes it really is the little things!
On a roadtrip from Krakow, Poland to Gdansk during our last few months before moving back to the USA
How Kids Handle Transitions Differently
On the whole, kids are resilient. My kids have all handled the transitions differently; as you would expect, of course, because we are all our own unique individuals. Some of mine have adapted more quickly and easily with each move; others take more time to get settled into our new home, but they all eventually get there. Their personalities tend to dictate how they respond to the constant change. My more outgoing children seem to have almost zero issue with the major changes. My more reserved kiddos take more time. We all know pivoting takes some patience, grace, and practice. Some of us in the family embrace those qualities more than others. I've also noticed that it's easier for younger kids to adapt more quickly, too, so we're in for a more challenging ride as these kids start to hit middle and high school.
So what's the verdict? What will hindsight look like for these guys? And for us, choosing to raise them overseas? The jury's out of course, but I do hope that at a minimum they will have gained a wider worldview. That they will be less quick to judge, more understanding, more empathetic, more tolerant, and more willing to embrace change. If they have gained that in the process, then all of our pivoting - regardless of how challenging it's been or it will get - will be worth it.
